Stanstamper’s Blog

February 2, 2009

If I Were President…

Filed under: 1 — stanstamper @ 10:39 pm
Tags: , , ,

Pardon my vanity on the matter, but I sure wish I could be President for a month.  Perhaps even a top Presidential advisor.

It appears that our new President has spent enough time inside the Beltway to have already contracted “Potomac Fever.” There are a number of cures, but the easiest is to live in the State of Oklahoma for a year. (Our laws require a balanced budget.) Of course all but the newest members of Congress have a heavy case of same. (Oklahoma Senators Jim Inhofe and Dr. Tom Coburn have a substantial immunity to this political disease.)

Were I to have such a wonderful opportunity, I would send a memo to Congress that any bill containing a single state earmark would be vetoed.  Then I would call leaders of both parties together and place on the table before them, 500 red chips. Each chip represents one billion dollars.

To the Democratic leader, I would count out 270 chips and to the Republicans, 230, to follow the way the American voters cast their ballots in November.  I would ask that they return in two weeks, with one or more of their chips attached to documents which represented a program to improve the American economy and the quality of life for all Americans.

If I, as President, had no substantial opposition to the proposal, I would agree to it. If they couldn’t convince me and my advisors it was an appropriate expenditure, I would give them a week to modify it or bring another program in its place, else they forfeit those funds to the other party, or altogether.

The entire process would have full transparency.  

Should such a final measure pass, I would give both parties ample time to recuperate from the act of having worked together. 

I would revel in the resurgence of the American Stock Market and other markets of the world, and in the resurrection of the American spirit.

Having only a few days left in my limited month of service before I, too, succumbed to certain perils of acquiring “Potomac Fever,” which causes the loss of one’s wits,  my  last action as President would be to give myself something that money can’t buy. A ride on the Space Shuttle. 

No matter how strongly the masses begged, I would decline their pleas to return to Washington and continue to make the simple changes that will be required to fix our country. However, I wouldn’t mind working on the problem occasionally or from my  home, where myself and millions of Americans have been able to balance our checkbooks and make some pretty decent decisions during our brief years on Earth.

Too bad we don’t have a modern day Will Rogers. He would have had a blast with this Congress.


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